I think I fell in love with my birthday after my divorce.
Sure my parents made a big deal of it when I was in highschool (which I loved!)
But my ex husband never truly celebrated me.
To be fair, that’s part of the narcissist traits- they don’t like attention taken away from themselves.
So when I got divorced you best believe I was celebrating my birthday every year after that!! The first “party” I held was in 2017 on Blackout Wednesday. Phew what a night!
I actually made it through most of the evening still conscious!! I was proud of myself! I required an IV bag the next day but overall I had a fantastic time with friends who came out to have fun- and we had fun!
After that came the big 40.
2019.
The night I was supposed to celebrate with family – my live-in boyfriend, at the time, got shit faced drunk- before we even went to dinner. He was passed out in my bed when the kids and I went to our traditional birthday Hibachi dinner.
After dinner, we dropped by the house before the movie, and his ass was still passed out in my bed.
I woke him up and essentially told him he was a disappointment.
The kids and I went to the movie and my ring doorbell camera showed me the footage of him packing up and leaving while we were at the movie.
We walked into an empty home.
My kids adored him. It was definitely the shittiest birthday ever when you have to explain why the man they looked up to left on such an important occasion.
Over the last few years I have had to come to terms with the fact that my children have never seen me treated well.
They have never seen me celebrated.
They have never seen me adored.
They have never seen me taken care of.
I am a woman- alone.
So this year. After such a horrific six months – I wanted to celebrate!!
I had a healthy balance of fear and excitement- though the morning of my party….I wanted to cancel lol. I just didn’t want to put myself through it all.
After a long day of work, I got home in time to nap, shower and get ready for what I can only describe as the start of something new.
After months of planning, conversations, purchasing, and just leaning into the fun of what this all meant- I sat nervously waiting for the guests to show up!!
Each person arriving (and those who texted, DM’d or called)- bringing with them a sense of appreciation for the relationships that I had developed over the last year. 🥹
I don’t think I could have felt more loved than I have ever felt over the last week!
While there are romantic sparks 😉 (stay tuned for future posts!) suggesting more for the future – I am absolutely in love in my present! It’s beautiful and full of indescribable joy right now!!
That’s been my last week – and I am so blessed!
Tis the season to be grateful- and I am!!
